Cycles of Grief

The grief cycle is something psychologists study and bank a lot of their practice on.  There are variations of it, like many things, but the basic premise is that humans go through stages of grief when they lose someone or something or they have a major life change.  I can't help but reflect on that with our current situation.

When we first started hearing stories of COVID19 from the Wuhan province, many of us either ignored them or shrugged them off.  Then we started hearing stories of the spread of the virus.  Again - we avoided the truth of the spread or ignored the stories since it wasn't affecting us.

Then it hit us.  It was confusing and numbing.  We wanted to blame someone so we blamed international travelers and migrants and the government and the person who didn't wipe down their shopping cart.  And then we started seeing the results of having to shut down a country and we became scared and confused.

This is the first stage of grief - shock and denial.

After the initial shock and fear wore off, we began to get angry.  We got mad at the selfish jerks who bought all the diapers and wipes and bleach and toilet paper so we or our elderly neighbor couldn't get any.  We got mad at the school officials who decided to disrupt our entire lives by sending kids home.  We got mad at the highest levels of government who blundered this whole thing by not listening to scientists. We got mad at anyone...because we were anxious, irritated, frustrated, embarrassed, and angry.

This is the second stage of grief - anger.

And at the end of our first week of school closures, things are shifting for our students. They are forced away from their routines and friends and familiarity of school.  They are being told to sit at a computer and figure out the material on their own (despite all our best efforts to make it as user-friendly and understandable as possible).  Many are worried about their younger siblings or their grandparents or how they will graduate or take the ACT or the mood of their parents when they get back from work (if they are still going to work).  They are feeling overwhelmed and helpless.  Naturally, they will start to lose energy and motivation. 

This is the third stage of grief - depression and detachment.

But there's hope!  The fourth stage starts to show a light - it's dialogue and bargaining.  There's still struggle but an individual begins to recognize they need help getting through it so they reach out.  They want to tell their story.  They want to find meaning in this.

I've assigned my students a daily journal to write and process their thoughts and feelings during this time.  I know they are going to go through the stages, but I just hope they get to the fourth one where they see the light at the end of the tunnel and have figured out ways to help them manage.  That's the goal because then the fifth and sixth steps become a bit easier to accomplish. 

We are in this together.  We will be better off because we were in it together.  We will come out on the other side.